


tongue-tied and overloaded

by forcynics



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-03
Updated: 2011-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 01:06:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6136132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forcynics/pseuds/forcynics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re beautiful,” Jeremy tells her one day, when they’re lying in her bed, the air around them heavy with marijuana smoke. The two words are enough to sharpen her fuzzy mind and she turns on her side to find him staring at her.</p><p>“You’re stoned,” she snorts, tells him this as if it’s a contradiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tongue-tied and overloaded

 

 

She was never the favoured child; she knows this.

Matt is the golden boy, the do-gooder, the one with a future within his grasp.Vicki reminds her mother too much of herself and this is not a good thing.

She tells herself she doesn’t care – not about her mother or about herself. It’s easier not to care when her mom is always away avoiding her kids, and she doesn’t really remember her dad but he can’t have been that great since he bailed on them, and Matt has friends and his own life. If she cared about any of this, it would hurt too much, so she takes the simple route and doesn’t give a damn about any of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeremy Gilbert is like a sad little puppy, moping over the fact that his parents died in a car crash.

 _At least your parents would be with you if they could, at least they didn’t_ choose _to leave you behind_ , she thinks, but it all sounds too deep and personal and shit and the last thing she wants is him feeling sorry for her so she offers him a joint instead and fucks him in the bed where her mom used to tuck her in at night, back when either of them gave a damn.

Nothing’s _worth_ giving a damn about – that is the truth that she already knows at seventeen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re beautiful,” Jeremy tells her one day, when they’re lying in her bed, the air around them heavy with marijuana smoke. The two words are enough to sharpen her fuzzy mind and she turns on her side to find him staring at her.

“You’re stoned,” she snorts, tells him this as if it’s a contradiction.

He shakes his head, starts to something, but she doesn’t let him, grabs his shirt and pulls herself closer and slides her tongue into his mouth, kissing away words that he really shouldn’t be saying. He hasn’t realized yet how not-worth-it she is. And there’s a tiny part of her that doesn’t want him to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer is all a blur of real and not-real, drifting highs and gloomy lows. Jeremy is the only thing that is always there, for some reason she doesn’t quite get. He’s got his own supply now, and she tells herself that that’s why she keeps him around.

When he’s pressing his mouth to her neck, and her head’s arched back, and his hands are holding her as if she’s something delicate – and yet his fingers dig in desperately enough that it seems he’ll never want to let her go – she tells herself she’s only doing this for the drugs, for the high, for the euphoria that Jeremy Gilbert of all people manages to bring her.

She’s not an idiot, though. Every day, every time she looks at him, she can see him falling in love with her. She wants to tell him she’s not worth it. Wants to slap him and yell at him and tell him that this wasn’t the deal here, that he’s only going to end up hurt, that he’s kidding himself, that he’s being stupid. But that’s territory she refuses to even dip her toes into, so she lets them carry on as if she doesn’t suspect a thing.

It’s only about the drugs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

School starts and Tyler Lockwood’s got his eye on her again, and she certainly doesn’t mind. He’s hot and he's good in bed and why not? He’s just some stupid jock who only wants to sleep with her, but it’s not like she expects to find some Prince Charming, so it’s no big deal.

She watches Jeremy take it all in, ignores the heaviness in her stomach, tucks her hair behind her ear, and goes back to making out with Tyler. She doesn’t care about Gilbert. It’s easier that way; it’s easier to forget about stupid, sad boys who look at her with stupid, sad, love-struck eyes as if they _do_ care, and just sleep with assholes who she’ll never have that problem with.

 _She’s_ not supposed to care. So she doesn't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He’s persistent; no one can deny that. It’s sad, really, the way he’s trailing her around. He tells her that Tyler doesn’t treat her right, that Tyler doesn’t really care about her. She _knows_ that, she wants to tell him. He just doesn’t get it. Tyler doesn’t really give a damn about her and she doesn’t give a damn about him and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

It doesn’t mean anything because it's not supposed to mean anything. She likes Tyler, sure, but only enough to be frustrated when he’s being a douchebag. She doesn’t actually care _about_ him, because she learned when she was a little girl that caring about people gets you nowhere.

She wishes that she could make Jeremy see that, that she could teach him this lesson too. But she also hopes that he never learns it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things with Tyler come to a breaking point, of course they do. It’s not as if she expected anything more.

She tried, though, and maybe that’s the most surprising thing. She put on a stupid yellow dress and went to his party and pasted a smile on her face and was polite to his mom, called her “Mrs. Lockwood” and everything all proper. Tyler’s never done anything to deserve her actually trying but she did it anyway, and she hates the fact that it probably had to do with all the stuff Jeremy said to her.

Yeah, Tyler didn’t care about her. She was used to people not caring about her. But now it actually almost stings. Now she knows, on the tip of her tongue, what it could be like to have a little bit more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

She didn’t expect that walking away from Tyler would lead her straight to Jeremy’s door, and yet it seems like the most obvious thing in the world when she finds herself standing there. She’s not supposed to feel nervous when she rings his doorbell, though, and her fucking knees certainly aren’t supposed to be shaking. She’s not supposed to have tears in her eyes either, but that’s life.

He opens the door and she half-expects him to tell her to leave, to fuck off, because she’s been nothing but a bitch to him. But she forgot that Jeremy isn’t her, that Jeremy’s always giving her more chances that she deserves. He actually thinks that she deserves _him_ and maybe that’s the scariest thing of all.

But she doesn’t let herself think about that as she tangles her arms around his neck, pulls him into a kiss and stumbles upstairs with him into his bedroom. She doesn’t let herself think about who deserves or doesn’t deserve who else; she tries to think of nothing except Jeremy Gilbert and how he feels and how he tastes. She tries not to think about how much he wants her, how clear it is, because that only scares her too. She tries not to think about how much she wants him too, because that scares her even more.

It never crosses her mind that they should be stoned for this. 

It’s not about the drugs. (It was never about the drugs.)

 

 

 


End file.
